I hate to say it, but I'm convinced that most men are assholes. That, or chemically imbalanced.
Recently, I have come in contact with a few members of the opposite sex, whose random-ass, bipolar behavior has left me flat out confused and wondering, "Where the eff did this hot mess of an emotional testosterone tornado come from?"
Now, he's acting like I'm the last person he wants to be with, as if his man period just came to town, and as though someone just informed him that women actually do not have pillow fights with each other in their underwear.
Why? How? When? WTF?
Then I start questioning myself: Did I accidentally say something semi-bitchy to or belittle him? Did I kick his puppy? Did I force him into going to the mall with me? Did I tell him that his penis looked small in those pants?.......... NOPE. Fairly certain that I did nothing of the sort. He's just an asshole for no reason.
My recent ex for example: (I realized I said I wouldn't/shouldn't talk about him anymore, but he/it was too much of a disaster not to talk about it now and then-- plus, I've finally discovered that I have a sense of humor about it. Go me!) HE was notorious for kissing me and planning our wedding/future one minute, and then a few hot minutes later he'd fly off that wound-up investment banker handle of his and suddenly have a panic attack about "us," his career and then threatening me with a breakup...........
Whatever you say, dude. Even though YOU'RE the one who gave ME a bit of a panic attack by bringing up our supposed matrimony, you then try and end it with me after I simply asked over after-work cocktails whose apartment we were staying at that particular night?
Surrrrre. Makes perrrrrrrfect sense, you Bipolar ToolBag.
Then there are two other ex-boyfriends/flings of mine.... After 2+ years of not communicating with one another after our breakups (something that I highly recommend doing), they both reached out to me on separate occasions and were adamant on reconnecting and having a friendly, civil relationship again. At this point, everything was water under the bridge to me, so I was more than content with being friends. And every time they reached out to me via email, text, whatever, I had the decency to respond to them-- even if I was seeing someone else at the time. Nothing romantic, sexual, emotionally-involved or sneaky of the sort-- just a simple "hello. good to hear from you. how's the fam?" etc. And keep in mind, almost all of my boyfriends/significant others kept in touch with their exes while they were with me; and, frankly, it didn't concern me in the slightest. Men may be assholes, but being a clingy, jealous girlfriend will get you nowhere. No man wants his rabbit cooked.
But now if/when I reach out to these said exes with a simple "hey, how are ya? wanna get that cup of coffee that YOU suggested? etc., they either lack the decency to respond, or they feed me the "I don't want to hurt my current significant other, I'm in a difficult position, etc. I know you'll find someone" bullshit. (where the eff did that last one come from, you condescending asshole?.....)
Give me a f*cking break. [shameless, semi-douchey self plug coming up, but get over it] You're just concerned with the fact that your ex isn't chubby, hairy, or flat-chested. Nor is she catty with other women, insecure, a home-wrecker, or, most importantly, still in love with you. Get over yourself and strap on a pair of confidences. Please and thank you.
Don't get me wrong, I do indeed have a shit ton of respect for men who want to be emotionally faithful to their current main squeezes; because, like I said, it's perfectly fine and usually necessary to not be friends with an ex. They're your ex for a reason. Keep it at that, if need be. But play fair and don't be a prick for no reason. Show some respect, dude. The relationship may have ended with daggers being thrown, but keep in mind that you once respected this person; and vice versa. Loving, romantic feels will go away, as they most certainly should, but where does the respect go? And why is it so goddamn difficult for some men to show some?
Also, you readers must know that I love men. I do. I do. I do. Despite my complaints. And my closest girlfriends know that I've had wayyyy too much fun (not to mention anguish, but eh, oh well) with the opposite sex during my almost 10 years of dating (ouch). I love a lot of things about men. The way they look in a suit. How hot they look when they're doing something manly. How even hotter they look when they're holding a baby or an animal. Their perfect, little nook when you sleep next to them. How they think meat, potatoes and pasta are the only levels of the food pyramid. Their ridiculous sense of competitiveness. How good they look seconds after waking up in the morning; even if they have fur on their tongue after a night out drinking (bastards!). How some of their smiles really can make a girl hit puberty again. How most of them really could give two shits when women gain a few pounds. Their innate need to protect women. Their shoulders. Their arms. Their cologne. Their hair-- be it styled or messy. Their.....
Wait, what were we talking about again?.................................................
................................................................
*takes a cold shower and tries to recall the point she was trying to make*
Ah.... right. Why are men-- despite how insanely hot and infuriatingly lovable they are *sigh*-- such assholes? And why does it come so naturally to them? Is it all of that testosterone? (god bless it!) And is it evident that being an asshole knows no race, religion (well.. I beg to differ on that one actually) or creed? Perhaps.... And I'm a firm believer in that what one puts out into the universe, he/she gets back in return.
However, I'm still somewhat convinced that if something is born with a penis, then it's going to act like one and use it to observe its power over women.
--Emily
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